Random Updates

Random Update #1:

My speedometer broke. I have no idea how fast I am going. The needle has spun right around to the wrong side of the pin and won't move. I probably wouldn't mind so much if I wasn't one of those drivers that obsessively checks my speed. (I know, it's difficult to believe that I would be obsessive about something, but try to wrap your head around it.It's true.) I ALWAYS know how fast I am going. Even if I'm speeding, it's on purpose. If I were ever stopped by the fuzz and he (or she, but the visual is better with a he) sauntered up the car with his shiny mirrored sunglasses and slowly leaned into the open window while gazing into the horizon and drawled, "Ma'am, do you know how fast your were going?" I wouldn't be able to say no. Well, I could, but it would be a lie. And lying makes my eye twitch. So, I'd be busted, anyway. Although, I suppose having a broken speedometer sort of solves that problem, doesn't it?

Random Update B:

I had parent teacher interviews tonight. Little Brat's interview ran late because of all the gushing. Not from me, from the teacher. I get it. She's smart. Too smart. Smart enough to plan my murder and frame her big sister and get away with it. I know. Please stop telling her she will be Prime Minister some day. Her ego is big enough. I know. I encourage big egos. I have a nice healthy one myself. But she's a 1/4 my size. Rein it in there, bucko. Seriously.

Big Brat's interview was rather......interesting. I had yet to meet her teacher before tonight. The way she described him, I was expecting a cranky middle aged dweeb. Oh no. Not so. He was hot. HOT. H-O-T hot. Lick the tip of my finger and touch it to my ass making a ssssssssss sound hot. Me like-y the teach-y.

What? I know I'm happily married. A girl can look, can't she?

Apparently 13 year old girls don't want to hear that their moms think the teacher is yummy. Go figure.

Random Update 2 1/2:

Looking for that perfect Christmas gift for that perfect someone? Hint, hint. Nudge, nudge.

It's on sale!

Random Update 4+x=8 solve for x:

Did I get stupider during my little Internet hiatus? Why can't I get those mother-flipping word verifications on the first try? What the frick am I doing wrong? I KNOW I'm typing them in right. It's not rocket science, by golly.

Random Update V:

I've decided to adopt "by golly" as a regular phrase. By golly.

I almost did it today. I ALMOST killed a spider. I was almost brave.

Someone at work yelled "Spider!" in the lunchroom. I stood up, all courageous like, and strutted my stuff over to the scene of the invasion. I'm a big girl. I'm tough. I'm on various anxiety meds. Why can't I save my coworkers from the scary little demon bug?

Because it was HUGE. That's why. Big as my friggin' hand. I swear to Folgers. All hairy and buggy eyed and giving me that go-ahead-and-stomp-your-big-fat-foot-on-me-I've-got-plenty-of-friends-and-they-all-have-your-address look.

I'll kill the next one. Maybe.

See. Told you I'd be back soon. I'm sort of eating and typing right now. I've been at work all day and I'm starving. Not just regualr starving. I'm eat-a-big-mac-even-though-I-might-throw-up-afterwards hungry. So I'm eating a big mac. And typing. And face-booking. And dripping sauce on the keyboard. Ew. I'll be back later. Again.

Um....hi.

Just peeking my head around the door to see if anyone throws a rotten tomato at me.

I know I've been a bad blogger. I've been so busy. And crazy. More busy than crazy, but crazy definately played a role. Busy, though. Fixing my house. Broken computer. Getting promoted. Computer broken again. Blah blah blah. I know y'all don't want my excuses.

I am 100% back online, though. I promise. I swear. I know. You've heard that before. I really, really am.

Please don't throw a rotton tomato at me. Or at least don't hit too hard. I just got the damn computer fixed again.