I almost did it today. I ALMOST killed a spider. I was almost brave.
Someone at work yelled "Spider!" in the lunchroom. I stood up, all courageous like, and strutted my stuff over to the scene of the invasion. I'm a big girl. I'm tough. I'm on various anxiety meds. Why can't I save my coworkers from the scary little demon bug?
Because it was HUGE. That's why. Big as my friggin' hand. I swear to Folgers. All hairy and buggy eyed and giving me that go-ahead-and-stomp-your-big-fat-foot-on-me-I've-got-plenty-of-friends-and-they-all-have-your-address look.
I'll kill the next one. Maybe.