Monday, July 30, 2007


I have to tell y'all something. It's something I'm not very proud of but, I gotta get it off my chest. And, if I can't be honest with y'all, who CAN I be honest with? Right? Am I right? Besides. They say that confession is good for the soul and blabbity blah blah. All I know, is that it's tearing me up inside. Oh sure. On the outside I'm all cute and spectacular. Everyone is fooled. They don't don't see the demon lurking deep within me. And it's time to let the demon out.

OK.......are y'all ready?......Deep breath now, can do it.....just SAY it already.....ok......

I'm still in love with Corey Haim.

Ommigod. Did I really just say it? Ommigod. OK. Yes. It's true. I thought I could watch The Two Coreys last night and laugh along with everyone else at how sad and pathetic he has become. And I did. I really did. On the outside. I'm sorry, though. Inside, I was sighing and giggling and cutting out his picture from Teen Beat and hanging it on my wall with red marker hearts drawn all around him and Dream a Little Dream playing in the background over and over and over. I can't help it. I still want him. Like a kid wants a little puppy.

OK, I know. He's a loser. I know. Stop yelling at me. I KNOW. He's obnoxious and insensitive and inconsiderate. And he cries like a little baby. But, I don't think I'm the only one that feels like this after last night's show. Nu-uh. I know there are more like me. It's the bad boy that's still left in him. You know you saw it, too. Don't lie to me. I KNOW I'm not the only one.

Admit it. When you heard him in the hot tub whine that he hasn't been laid in long time, you laughed. But, I know. Inside your head you were screaming and waving your arms in the air, just like me. "Pick ME, Corey Haim! PICK ME! I love you! And I promise I won't make fun of you or make you yell 'Death by Stereo' right in middle of all the fun! PuuhhhhleeeEASE Corey Haim! What? Who? Oh that guy beside me on the couch? Ya, that's my husband. Oh, ya. He knows I want you. He's OK with it. That would give him free rein to go after Fergie or Gwen or some other unattainable goal. Just ignore him. He's not a part of our love. Unless you want him to kick Susan Feldman's ass. Because you are SO right. She's NOT one of the Coreys and she NEVER will be, the stupid Yoko-head. Pick ME, Corey Haim."

You were TOO, thinking that. I know you were.

Phew. Don't we all feel a little better now?


Thursday, July 26, 2007

I Gots the Stress. Want Some?

What? What's this bright light? It's blinding me. What? It's the sun? Really? Huh. I guess that's what happens when you live in a deep, dark hole for a few weeks. Or months. Whatever.
Yes, I'm here. No, I'm not fixed. But, I am better. Thanks to my doctor and a few little pills. Love those pills.
I went to the doctor and described the way I was feeling. You know. Sad, listless, unmotivated and tired all the time. Oh, and that pesky little problem with my heart racing really fast and making it feel like I was having a heart attack.
He looked and me and said " You're stressed."
Well duh. Who isn't stressed. I've been stressed since I was 13. So?
"No," he says " You're clinically stressed. Stressed out. Your body is fed up with you being stressed."
Huh. Go figure. It was a little bit shocking. I just thought I was depressed. Apparently I gots the stress, though. Which was great when I got home that night. Honey, I CAN'T do the dishes. I gots the stress. Children, don't make me angry. I gots the stress. You don't want mommy to have a heart problem, do you?
So, I got some little pills.
They kind of mess me up a little, too. I can live with that, though. It's just little things. Like having trouble sleeping. Which is being helped with another little pill. Or like not really having an appetite. Oh no. Heavens to Betsy. How awful that I no longer have a desire to eat myself to 500 pounds. It's a tragedy. I only want to eat what I need to stay alive and leave the chips and dip for someone else. Damn those side affects. They've made me lose 10 pounds.
Oddly enough, the lack of appetite does NOT work on ice cream. In fact, I had ice cream for dinner 2 nights in a row. Peanut butter ice cream. And rainbow sherbet for dessert. I'm a grown up, dammit. I can have ice cream for dinner if I want to.
And yes, my stomach protested later on. Will I do it again? Probably.
Besides, my kids are out of town. They went to visit my family for a month. So I don't have to set an example. Hah.
Yes, it's been a break with the 2 monsters gone. But, I am still working a lot. I'm pretty sure I like this job. It's tiring and stressful, but with my little pill buddies and AWESOME ice cream dinners, I can handle it.
Also, I just got my next royalty check yesterday. Since the book was released, it has so far sold over 2800 copies. Oh ya. I'm a superstar.
So that helps.
But, the biggest aid in my recent depression is the news that I got. It's GREAT news. EXCITING news. Something I have waited years and years to hear. Finally, everything has come full circle and I can rejoice.......


I am so excited I could pee myself. Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, reunited. Oh my frickin GAWD. It's like a sick and twisted dream come true. Now we just need to work on an all out Fact of Life reunion movie and I can crawl back in my hole and die a happy gal. You can bet I will be discussing the show on here. Be forewarned.

I know this a weird and rambling post. Don't judge me. I'm out of practise. I will try my bestest not to go 3 months with no post again. I might even pick up a crochet hook again soon. Also, I want to thank everyone who sent me emails of concern and caring. I really do think bloggers are the best folks on the net.

Now go eat ice cream. It's awesome.