Where I Have Been Hiding

I have to be honest with y'all. I haven't been online much. In the past few weeks, I've mostly only been on the computer to check my bank accounts and to write a few emails. I have not really had any interest at all in doing anything else.

I want to assure all of you that it's not you, it's me. I've been a little on the depressed side. It's not really bad. At least not right now. I was starting to get really crazy a few months ago, but I am feeling a little better each day.

There's nothing wrong. Really. It's all chemical. My kids are fine. My husband is fine. And, although my new job is new and slightly more stressful than counting up dollar store items, this started way before I got a new job. I'm reasonably sure that it started out as a seasonal thing. What with not seeing sunshine between October and February.

I am spending most of my off-time in bed. I pretty much just want to sleep right now. There's not enough coffee in the world to perk me up. Ironically, all of my new co-workers like to tell me that I have more energy than anyone they know. Weird. I have been crocheting a bit, because I have a deadline for a small publishing project, but not as much as I should be. Usually a deadline would make me a lot more industrious.

Of course, my main problem, which I was afraid of happening, is my hoarding issues. This is not the first time in my life that I have been depressed, so I should know what to expect. I get in this state of mind where any amount of dirt or untidiness in the house makes me want to huddle in a corner and cry. As a result, I ignore it. And so the mess piles up. And up. And UP. My house is disgusting right now.

It's difficult to explain to people who have never felt it. I can't actually physically make myself clean things. I try. I try to make plans and lists. I tell myself that all I have to do is pick up that thing off the floor and put it away, but then I start to feel overwhelmed and end up going to bed.

Anyway, that's what I have been doing the last few weeks. Hiding in bed. But, I am gradually starting to feel better. I am out of bed right now, at 9:37 am, so that's already an improvement. And I plan to help my youngest with a dinosaur diorama for school later on. That may help.

Don't worry about me. I'm OK. Or at least I will be. And I think I can come online more often now. In between trying to catch up on my cleaning. Baby steps, though. I have to be careful not to overwhelm myself, or else I end up right back in bed again.

So, that's my excuse. I'm sorry. I'll be around more. And maybe I will even be funny again soon, and not so lame and depressing.