I have to tell y'all something. It's something I'm not very proud of but, I gotta get it off my chest. And, if I can't be honest with y'all, who CAN I be honest with? Right? Am I right? Besides. They say that confession is good for the soul and blabbity blah blah. All I know, is that it's tearing me up inside. Oh sure. On the outside I'm all cute and spectacular. Everyone is fooled. They don't don't see the demon lurking deep within me. And it's time to let the demon out.
OK.......are y'all ready?......Deep breath now, Tara......you can do it.....just SAY it already.....ok......
I'm still in love with Corey Haim.
Ommigod. Did I really just say it? Ommigod. OK. Yes. It's true. I thought I could watch The Two Coreys last night and laugh along with everyone else at how sad and pathetic he has become. And I did. I really did. On the outside. I'm sorry, though. Inside, I was sighing and giggling and cutting out his picture from Teen Beat and hanging it on my wall with red marker hearts drawn all around him and Dream a Little Dream playing in the background over and over and over. I can't help it. I still want him. Like a kid wants a little puppy.
OK, I know. He's a loser. I know. Stop yelling at me. I KNOW. He's obnoxious and insensitive and inconsiderate. And he cries like a little baby. But, I don't think I'm the only one that feels like this after last night's show. Nu-uh. I know there are more like me. It's the bad boy that's still left in him. You know you saw it, too. Don't lie to me. I KNOW I'm not the only one.
Admit it. When you heard him in the hot tub whine that he hasn't been laid in long time, you laughed. But, I know. Inside your head you were screaming and waving your arms in the air, just like me. "Pick ME, Corey Haim! PICK ME! I love you! And I promise I won't make fun of you or make you yell 'Death by Stereo' right in middle of all the fun! PuuhhhhleeeEASE Corey Haim! What? Who? Oh that guy beside me on the couch? Ya, that's my husband. Oh, ya. He knows I want you. He's OK with it. That would give him free rein to go after Fergie or Gwen or some other unattainable goal. Just ignore him. He's not a part of our love. Unless you want him to kick Susan Feldman's ass. Because you are SO right. She's NOT one of the Coreys and she NEVER will be, the stupid Yoko-head. Pick ME, Corey Haim."
You were TOO, thinking that. I know you were.
Phew. Don't we all feel a little better now?
Labels: The Coreys